The area fatha, Charles Oputa aka Charley Boy, is not a happy man at the
moment. His expectations for his daughter has not been met with regards
to her relationship with Naija men. Within short intervals, the young
lady has dated and broke up with three different guys. But what is the
matter?
See the note Charley Boy wrote to Single Ladies below:
"All
the single ladies reading this, chin-up and give your good self a thumb
up. Nothing doest thou. Last week I had a father/daughter discussion
with my Princess. I could feel the frustration in her tone as we spoke
about different issues. When I asked about her boyfriend she gave me a
very long and irritated “Naija babe” hiss, she aired out her
frustrations with this whole dating business.
"Daddy we are no
longer dating." “I’m so very sorry my love, but what happened I
queried,” very anxious to hear the gist, cause me and my Princess are
just that close. This is my daughter’s 3rd boyfriend since she started
dating, and she has only been with him for barely 6months… "Daddy,
please I’m tired, he is not ambitious, he has no drive, and he is too
laid back for his own good, how can I marry a man like that? To make
matters worse, he thinks I am overly ambitious, he says I do way too
much – please tell me how that’s a bad thing.” Hummmmm, my daughter, my
princess my pride and joy is unhappy.
You see since childhood,
my Princess has been very independent, very focused and determined - no
nonsense kind of ‘chic’, (can an apple fall too far from its tree). She
is intelligent and extremely hardworking, I mean what more could a man
ask for in a woman? Quickly, I was thinking of how to calm my ticked off
Princess down. "Darling, you know daddy will always love you no matter
what, most importantly you know damn too well that you are not under any
pressure to get married. So be patient, concentrate on your carrier and
yourself my darling, he will come when he comes, and if he doesn't
come, have your baby, I wouldn't mind another grandchild." Did I really
say that? Oh! Yes I did, and I meant that.
Single ladies are on
the rise these days, because for a long time coming, there has been an
explosion of male joblessness in Nigeria and the world over. There has
also been a decline in men's life prospects that have disrupted and
distorted the dating or the "marriage market", in a way that narrows a
marriage minded woman's options. Today all the Nigerian single "good"
ladies who are desirous to settle down are at a cross road in their
dating life, most of them are simply tired, a lot are frustrated and
many are giving up.
Their options are really limited; it is
mostly between the millions of Gigolos or the deadbeat, some of who are
pretending that they are waiting for Jesus before they get it together;
those who don't have ambition burning in their soul. I can't believe
that I told my daughter to go ahead and have a baby out of wedlock.
Well, with the way things are playing out in our environment, it is time
we embraced new ideas about dating and marriage. Society’s highest
institution called "Marriage" is fast becoming old fashioned and
outdated. Look around and see the alarming rate of divorce matters all
over the place, something is definitely wrong my people. At this rate,
falling in love and getting married will be a question of choice rather
than societal expectation or luck.
Frankly speaking, women have
climbed so high in their independence and career and are doing way
better than the men. Men have been falling behind with amazing alacrity.
Good single women are so disappointed and it’s unimaginable, it's like
going to a party that has been the talk of the town for long. You buy
your new dress hoping to show off at the party, but by the time you
land, they tell you that all the good people have left, and the ones
left are really the servants, their friends or relatives who have come
to scavenge on the left over food. Believe it or not, that's the
situation today, no kidding.
Since the days of my grandfather,
marriage has been primarily an economic and political contract between 2
families, prized and policed by families, relatives and community.
That’s why in my village, they will tell you "no be only your
wife/husband you they marryoooooo" Things have changed since then, most
of our dates are from facebook, bb chat, online dating, the hocus-pocus
church called Pentecostals, etc. There is no doubt in my mind that we
are in the midst of an extraordinary change.
The transformation
of young outstanding women, considered marriage material, is momentous,
immensely liberating and immensely scary for prospective suitors. All
the old ways are breaking down, these days ladies want to be in-charge
of their lives, you can't blame them. Forget about the days of being
submissive, na for your pocket. Forget about marriage vows where it says
about obeying your husbands, hummmm joor, they are not slaves,
understanding works better. Do they need husbands to have babies these
days?
Please don't get this twisted, marriage is divine and
sweet when you can not only find a soul mate, but someone who can
inspire you, respect you, love you, adore your feminity and
independence. They are hard to find oooooo. My daughter knows that
finding a good man is like finding a needle in a haystack. None the
less, should women feel psychologically defeated? Hell No! Most men who
don't know what time it is are still locked down with that old macho
bullsh*t, that it is a Man’s world. Hummmmm for where, my people, women
run things now, let’s get used to it, abegi, so our days on earth will
be longer joor.
My princess, my baby, my joy, my little big girl
knows that her character, her pedigree, her background, her ambition,
her zeal and courage will most likely intimidate a lot of men out there,
she realizes that this will further narrow her pool of prospects, just
like she is also aware that with each passing year she is getting older
and never younger but the options stay very limited.
All I’m
trying to say is this, I tip my hat for all the "good" single ladies out
there, keep the fate, I admire your courage in not wanting to settle
for any trash out there. If it doesn't fit, trash it, finding a life
time partner is not ‘moimoi’. The world is already too troubled for you
to be in a relationship that you know will not make you happy. Women can
see these things ahead you know, that's why they are a special breed of
God’s creation. I have discovered lately that men need women in their
lives to keep them stable, but if push comes to a shove, women don't
really need men, a case in point [is] ‘The great Oprah’.
Yes, good men are hard to find, ask Lady D. Ha!!"
- Truly, most guys are not "friendly" with independent-minded single ladies. But what is the way out?